Letter to an absent father.

Image credit: http://www.ivetteivens.com/artshow

No, you will not understand. Not the sleepless nights nor the tantrum filled days. 

You will not understand why my messy hair, my loose t-shirt, my dark circles. 

You will have no sympathy for my terror if even for some seconds I lose my child in the crowd. 

You will probably laugh at the number of times I adjust and re-adjust the pram where he just fell asleep; or the times I cover him and check if he is breathing (!) at night. 

No, you will not know what it is to change diapers all day and nurse all night; to sleep siting with your baby in your arms, afraid if you change position he will wake up (again!).

You will say "it's ok", "he looks fine", "this too shall pass" but you will not mean it. Cause how could you? 

You do not know how it feels to be kicked or slapped by your anxious toddler.

You have no clue what it is to fell guilty, or that you have failed, no matter how many around you say that "it's all normal",

You don't know what it is not going for grocery shopping for a week just cause you can't keep your baby in the shop long enough...

Of course you don't...

Have you tried to go back to sleep after been woken up by a loud scream from the one you love most? Again and again (and again, sometimes 20 minutes apart)? Have you attempted to clean the nose of a screaming helpless baby or hold him tight during vaccines? 

Oh, do you know what it is to look in the mirror and just miss the old you, with more curves (or for some of us less) bigger breasts (yes, how they shrink after he nurses!) and makeup in place? 

Do you know what it is to feel so lonely even when you sleep by my side? 

Or to secretly wish you would be somewhere else because the space is never enough for all the baby care night rituals (or because you snore too loud, you move too much, you don't even offer to help when he cries).

Can you imagine never again eating with both hands, or siting down, or quietly, or slowly, or 100% free to choose your menu? 

Do you know how my back aches with all the carrying, the rocking, the breastfeeding? 

No you do not understand.

You do not understand my cancelled plans and suspended dreams. 

You will think it is not a big deal to be a full time mom. 

But you see, all changed. 

Cooking is never the same, walking is never the same, breathing is never the same! 

Oh you will not understand how much LOVING is never the same! And with all this "no you will not understand" I feel that you... 

YOU are missing... the big things. Or have you seen him? Have you seen how our son laughs in his sleep? 

Yes, he does. 

And how would you understand how priceless it is?

With love,

a #newmom

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Blooming together

#yogimama poem

It’s OK, Yoga Mama

Baby days, and mama mantra chanting,

Awakes all and triggers the wanting,

Outdoor yoga then, mosquitos breaking-their-fast on me,

Cat under cover, my only companion, and devotee.

Morning moon, such a pleasured sight, 

Me, refreshed, new and light.

A head start on my beautiful family,

Until Lark of a boy joins cat under blanket sleepily.                                                                                       

Solitary time over, adapting now, witnessing meditation,

Nurturing love of sun rise, moon set, lunation,

Seeing resonance with big baby souls,

Kids yoga teacher births, facilitating my roles.

New tangible tools to translate, sing and play,

Letting go should be, come what may, 

Modeling asana, to integrate into Being,

When stardust land feet on Earth, agreeing.

To have more to give, commit to class bliss,

My time, tea, and live, as the Me I miss,

Toddlers energy stores, then blasts into GO!

Creative child making own poses to show.

Deviate from plan, go with flow, and elevate esteem,

Him Golden Son, her Daughter Moon beam.                                     Motherhood, heals, softens, and builds a shrine 

Spiritually growing, symbols, messages, sacred and divine.

Plenty of kids yoga, own practice wanes,

Always returns, human not robot, (although fun games!)

Mother, healer, ally, unconditional, dharma,                                                  In my open heart, forever, I’m Yoga Mama.

Boy and girl practice tree in forest, bridge at riverbank,

Gifts of focus, connect, breathe and relax, to thank,

Memories, piling four family high, sandwiches, sushi rolls,

Giggling, tickling, skin to skin contact imbedded in souls.

 

Transpired to passion outside home,                 

Postpartum yoginis breathe out OM,

Tender, quiet savasana, restores,                                   Her laughter, energizes, wee one explores.

Belly breathe wise one, wonder-full fresh eyes,

School yoga already, how time flies,

Inhale and exhale, I’ll bow to precious birth days

As I glean wisdom of tweens, teens, mid-life ways.

The journey to women’s circles, a hood and a tribe,

Goddesses, mermaids, with whom I hi-vibe,

Dear Yoga Mama, practice, you are free,

To invert, on a paddle board, balance and see.

 Listen to old souls, “You are your past’s future” – profound…

Yoga moments, for us to share, here on the ground,

Ancestors, ant-sisters, ant-brothers, we are One

Unfolding, bending, stretching; only just begun…..

OM Shanti + Namaste

 

I have been practicing yoga for 10 years now and its evolved through couples yoga, pre-natal, postpartum, strict sadhana, Kids Yoga teacher training and today I practice freely. I trust my practice is part of me, forever, until one day perhaps I am Grandma yoga-ing at the lake!

Namaste, may your dreams inspire your life.

 

Charlotte Dewan is a free-lance Children’s Yoga Facilitator (Radiant Child Yoga), is certified to teach Sacred Pregnancy 2 day mini retreats, and is currently working on her Art of Sacred Postpartum and Sacred Doula Certificates. She is so looking forward to taking her Pixie Girl to the Sacred Sweeties Girls Camp this Summer and enjoys many sacred living movement classes…Sacred Year/Sacred Moon/Sacred Ayurveda and now on the cusp of Sacred Medicine Woman and Sacred Scents Aromatherapy for Birthworkers!

BIBI children's yoga

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Sacred Pregnancy Ottawa

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Join our yogimama series! Send me your motherhood yogi path.

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Reasons to follow the Moon

FULL Moon... Full Moon... 

I am a Moon lover 

and the more I love, 

and the more I connect with Moon's amazing energy and the deeper I go inside myself.

Are you a moon lover, I asked before?

Did you know the Moon phases can be an amazing tool in the roadmap of your parenting? 

Yes, an amazing way to connect with your baby.

Here is a list of "why"... it is so good to LOVE the moon (from Sacred Dreams page)

"Why follow the moon? Here's a few reasons why following the moon cycles can be nourishing and inspiring:

1. The moon's energy waxes and wanes - paying attention to the moon cycles allows us to work with this energy rather than against it.

2. Its comforting "...even when the moon looks like it's waning...it's actually never changing shape. Don't ever forget that.” -Ai Yazawa, Nana, Vol. 14

3. Its promotes a sense of balance - most of us follow the sun closely, even if we do not realize it. We are happy on days when the sun shines bright and look forward to its warmth and energy. The moon provides a sense of balance to this energy - it reflects your internal world; the subconscious, your inner desires and deepest dreams. This internal world deserves to be seen and heard.

4. Its a natural rhythm - many people feel a deep sense of connection with the moon and can intuitively feel our ancient connection to this natural "calendar".

5. Women especially, have a special connection to the moon - some finding that their menstrual cycle, or "moon cycle" is in tune with the moon. Some women find that they bleed with the Full Moon, others, with the New Moon.

6. The moon changes astrological signs about every 2 1/2 days or so, adding a deeper level to the astrological guidance of our sun signs.

7. New Moon energy provides the opportunity to release and let go. Tuning into this energy allows us to clear the slate, making room for the sacred work we hope to do in the world

8. Full Moon energy often shines a light on areas of our selves or lives that need examination, sometimes going deep into our subconscious to call forth our most authentic selves.

9. Simple, everyday ritual - following the moon cycles provides the opportunity for simple rituals, such as journaling at the Full Moon, lighting a candle to release negative energy, or coming together with others for a New Moon intention setting circle - helping us invite the sacred into our lives.

10. “When hope is fleeting, stop for a moment and visualize, in a sky of silver, the crescent of a lavender moon. Imagine it -- delicate, slim, precise, like a paper-thin slice from a cabochon jewel. It may not be very useful, but it is beautiful. And sometimes it is enough.”

~Vera Nazarian

Sacred Dreams 

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