Becoming Parents

How was yours? The beginning, I mean? As a MOTHER what joys and struggles did you meet?

"We have Hollywood expectations about what parenthood is going to be like." ~ Elly Taylor (author of Becoming Us).

Do you agree with this? And if you do how does this affect our... BEGINNING?

Just read a great article about Elly Taylor's book and just have to SHARE.

She says "Most parents experience the reality of parenthood very differently. They think there is something wrong with them and this causes conflict in their relationship and they end up struggling" and she defines eight stages to help us READ this NEW path in our lives.

Stage 1 - pre-baby preparation

Expectant parents should have some awareness about what a baby will do to their social lives, sleep, sex life, work/life balance, as well as understanding that they're going to make mistakes.

Stage 2 - becoming aware 

This stage usually occurs about three months after the baby is born. Shock, disillusionment and ambivalence are typical. 

Parents are rushing — and struggling — to get things back to normal but it isn't necessarily in their interest to do that. They should be thinking about the "new normal" instead.

Stage 3 - adjusting expectations

This stage can occur anywhere between birth and six months. It's about closing the gap between the new parents' expectations prior to birth and the reality they're now experiencing. Conflict often arises when couples are not meeting each other's expectations about parenthood.

Couples need to work through what they expected and why. Often their expectations were really unrealistic and unhealthy.

Stage 4 - Understanding family's needs.

You've been so focused on the baby's needs, but parents have needs too and it's about working out a way for the new family dynamic to work.

Stage 5 - Expanding emotional intelligence.

This stage is really pivotal because if parents can recognise that the increased emotionality serves them and they work out how utilise the emotions by becoming more emotionally intelligent, it can take them to new depths in their relating and sharing. But if the dad doesn't know how to handle the mum's increased emotionality — if he feels like he has to problem solve or is frightened by it — he can start to emotionally withdraw. This can increase her risk of postnatal anxiety and depression.

Stage 6 - Identity and self-esteem

The 6-18 month period after the baby is born is about bedding down your new identity as a parent. Your relationship with your partner is critical in defining your new sense of self.

Stage 7- Growing together through differences

Nora Ephron famously said, 'Having a baby is like throwing a hand grenade into a marriage.'

All couples have the same conflicts. It's often not about what the conflict is about but rather how they approach it.

Stage 8 - Connection or disconnection

If couples have managed the previous stages well, they will become more connected and lay solid roots for the family. If they haven't managed the previous stages well they will become increasingly disconnected.

If you've just thought, 'Oh crap!, we haven't mastered any of these stages and my home life is like a war zone or a frosty deadlock,' then don't despair. It's not too late to get a new perspective on parenthood and repair your relationship.

How about you? Do you relate to this phases? How did you navigate them? For me it is so soothing and reassuring to know we are NOT ALONE... We all face similar challenges and we are all here to HELP. So grateful for this work.

#sacredbeginnings

#sacredlivingmovement